Here is my variant of Sudoku. Instead of the numerals 1 through 9, use the letters found in the two words ‘lesbian‘ and ‘gay‘ but use ‘a‘ only once. Therefore, in each row, column and 3×3 grid, the solved puzzle will contain each of the following 9 letters: L E S B I A N G Y. Click on the puzzle for a printable version.

16
Oct 05
How Much is Too Much?
Within the gay community, sexual addiction (or sexual compulsivity) runs rampant. The reasons are obvious given the history of our ostracization by society. Nevertheless, we need to face it as the serious problem that it is.
Fortunately, in places like NYC, one the most active self-help groups within the gay community is Sexual Compulsives Anonymous (SCA). I’d say it is the most popular group at the NYC Gay Center. Why? Because sexual addiction warps and distorts the addict, like any other addiction, in order to feed itself. Many gay men, when given the chance and all the information, realize they need help freeing themselves from obsessive internet porn, chat rooms, bookstores, serial one night stands, etc.
Are you sexually compulsive? See SCA’s The Twenty Questions Test or The Fourteen Characteristics.
Unfortunately, most gay communities are completely ignorant of the nature of sexual addiction and pass it off as only afflicting others. Too bad. Sexual addiction likely robs the addict of healthy views of sexuality and intimacy. Often sex addicts are unable to maintain long-term relationships.
Gay people are not from Mars and so we are vulnerable to the same excesses as all others on this planet. Sexual addiction is the vice of many who otherwise lead sober lives. Yet given the chemical reactions exploding in the brain during sex, it is merely swapping one drug for another.
Sex is healthy and should be enjoyed. Sex can be fun and freeing. But like anything else, it has negative consequences when taken to extremes. When sex is rendered a meaningless transaction only about pleasure, it pretty much becomes another form of recreational drug use. And there begins the possible descent into unbalanced addictive compulsive sexual behavior which can lead to dangerous and self-destructive places.
Gay People Are Not From Mars
We are not fundamentally gays who happen to be human. We are fundamentally humans who happen to be gay. Therefore, all impulses that predominantly manifest in humans no matter of what ancestry, ethnicity, dialect, race, nationality, religion or politics will also manifest in humans no matter of what sexuality.
The more freedoms we are given to participate in mainstream activities, institutions, rituals, etc. the more gay people will do so. The drive to participate and assimilate will in the long-run win out once we achieve equality and protection under the law for we are not fundamentally driven by an ideology, we are fundamentally driven by our humanity.
The Gay Lesbian Civil Rights Movement’s most important success will be that of creating an environment in which gay people feel free and welcome to express their basic core humanity without regard to their sexuality. The energy that out gay people now must expend in order to make their place openly and honestly is unfair and distracting.
Some gay activists go too far in rejecting all things that were previously denied to us. That, I think, is throwing the baby out with the bath water. Wanting a family, children, a monogamous committed relationship, acceptance, respect, belonging, normalcy, etc. isn’t a sign that some sort of fascist heterosexism is at play but a sign that standard human impulses are at play and that they are inescapable and undeniable. Any attempts to paint them as artificial notions brainwashed into us is rather silly and confused.
Gay people are not from Mars.
(“I wonder if the monogamistic, parenting impulse is hard wired to our brain or something we learn from culture?” Justin R. asked in comment #99 to the article Gay America: The Next Generation on BlogCritics.org. The above article was my response.)
12
Oct 05
Gay Teens Confront Their Humanity
I feared the numbers of these ’silenced’ would temporarily grow given the increased visibility of our movement since ‘gay marriage’ came forward as a national issue and the resulting increased vigor of those in opposition. John Cloud’s “The Battle Over Gay Teens” (full article here), if nothing else, lessened that fear.
Some gay teens today live openly in insular accepting environments which now include not just college but also high school. Not surprisingly, some don’t understand what’s at stake for them later on in life. They have, it seems, fallen victim to the illusion – brought about by the very recent emergence of openly gay celebrities – that being gay is ‘no big deal’.
Convincing these gay teens as they approach adulthood that it is important to talk about their lives without denying their innate homosexuality may at first prove difficult. But I suspect, as happened with me, they will eventually grow to appreciate what the gay activist leaders of the past have achieved and have not achieved for them.
For most out gay teens today, they will mature into a country (USA) that will, for the most part, bar them from marrying the one they love. Many may enter adulthood in states that categorize them as unfit to foster or adopt children. Many will be banned from clubs, churches and organizations and face job and housing discrimination with no legal recourse available to them.
Still, to be fair, I think for many if not most gay youth, figuring out how to BE in a heterosexual world is confusing and frustrating enough. But then they are confronted with the extra burden of understanding the forces seeking to not just deny them equality under the law but also to equate them, as a whole, with rapists, alcoholics and the mentally ill.
I’m surprised, given all that, how many gay people do ‘come out’ okay and relatively undamaged. I’m not surprised at the anger and passion out there. That anger and indignation is what has galvanized our movement. I’m confident most gay youth will come to appreciate this anger expressed by many activists as not a militant anger but a valid sensible one given all that has been said by leaders such as Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, James Dobson and the Pope.
Afterall, we fight for the full humanity of people who are gay. The Fundamentalists and all those anti-gay forces they’ve rallied around them fight for a hypocritical immoral ideology based on lies and hate. As I’ve said before, ideologies come and go, but we gay people are here forever and now that we’ve emerged from the closet of medieval superstitious ignorance about sexuality, there’s no going back.
With that in mind, there is too much at stake for any gay person, young or old, to believe we have reached any sort of post Gay Lesbian Civil Rights Movement identity. Gay teens who believe their place at the table of society has been permanently set are in for quite a shock when they try to sit down at that table later in life. Therefore, we still very much need new generations of outspoken Gay and Lesbian leaders to speak with force, courage and steadfastness on behalf of those without a voice, still too afraid to speak.
(This article was written as a comment (#86) to the post Gay America: The Next Generation on BlogCritics.org.)
10
Oct 05
Jonathan I. Katz: In Defense of Thought Turds